Shoobawdedoowa!!!

Dungeons & Dragons

Legend of Coon
It was the middle of the night and it was as cold as a lake of ice in the middle of winter. The ice dragon approached me and I thought it was the end. The dragon reared back its head and with one big blow I was frozen in a block of ice. I saw a light at the end of a tunnel and all of a sudden I was in dead.
I saw a tall man in a huge pitch black cloak with a huge diamond studded sword on his back. He looked at me queerly and said “Who are you?”. I told him I was
Coon B. Squirrel. He responded with a laugh and snickered “No really who are you?”.
I told him once again “I am Coon B. Squirrel and if I’m in heaven let me live if not kill me now. Well he replied “That can’t be possible your not on the list. Shouted at him “What list? Where the hell am I? Who the hell are you?”. He began to speak but I immediately said “You better anser one of my questions or I’ll kill you just like I almost killed that ice dragon”.
“Almost being the key word you barbarian” he exclaimed in a bitchy tone of voice. I yelled at “ANSER MY GOD DAMN QUESTION S YOU STUPID IDIOTIC JACK ASS!!! IF THIS IS HEAVEN YOU SHOULDN’T OF LET ME IN BECAUSE SOON IT’S GOING TO BE HELL!!!”. he was uh... not happy with this. Lets say the sword wasn’t just for show. So there I was cut into about some where between 1,000 and 100,000,000,000,000,000. Then all of a sudden all the blood and guts and innards. Now for women this mite sound disgusting beyond reason. But it isn’t that ........ well ok it was that bad. But this is just a book ok. Ok. So the man said to me “You weren’t on the list. So I don’t know if you should go to heaven or hell.
“Oh I see well than can I just stay in between?”. “No! I mean no. You see this is the place just like earth. There is good and evil here. I am gods servant I pick were you go but sense you not on the list I don’t know anything about you. Heck 5 minutes ago I didn’t event know your name let alone your past. So if you could please tell me the story of your life.”
“Well I was born in the temple of the elves. I grew up in a dwarf town know as Jerkeelo. I got a well ..... preschool education. Until I was 80 I worked at a antique store selling ancient armor used in the Ferret war. After that my adventure began. I was drafted into the elfin war. It was the war of all wars. 20,000,000 of our elves died and 2 of there dwarfs died. So ........... yeah ......... they won. I was captured and forced to work in there mettle mines. They spoke a weird language of some sort. I got to eat once a week. They fed us polluted water and moldy bread. Witch I might say wasn’t that bad. Then again I didn’t get to eat until
gornum 9.
One day a man called Gorgan said he new a way out. I didn’t really listen to him because he snuck a flask in. But I was foolish to not have listened to him for we were to be killed the next day. They made us walk hundreds of joinheres. We neurally died of thirst. We arrived at a huge frozen ocean. Witch I knew was impossible because the ocean was to salty.